...you fall the hardest.
If there is anything I do not want to be, it's a hypocrite! And yet, there have been times in my life that I knew something was wrong and tried to help others to walk in the right direction, and then just when I thought I was standing firm, I fell the hardest into the very pit I was trying to help others avoid!
This is where I find myself now: Looking around myself at the pit I have fallen into and staring upward for rescue. Funny thing about pits...they are easy to fall into and very difficult to get out of. Some are impossible to get out of without help from someone who is outside your predicament.
The actual fall isn't what hurts...it's the landing after the fall...it's the bruises and cuts that result from the fall. Falling can feel like a rush...it can feel pleasurable until you hit the rocky bottom.
This is a wake up call and a very humbling experience. Had I been too prideful? Did I think I was beyond falling? Somehow immune to this type of fall?
So now what?
Do I condemn myself for having fallen? Do I add to the bruises and cuts by "beating myself up"? Or do I come broken before God and plead for His help and forgiveness...for His healing...
For me the most difficult aspect to swallow is that I willfully rebelled against God. I knew better. He has forgiven me countless times. Have I trampled on His grace? Have I exceeded my forgiveness quota? (I don't think there is one, but that is how I feel at this moment).
This is where I am right now...waiting on God to rescue me from the harm I have done to myself.
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